My apologies for not posting more. I’ve recently had some difficult times in life and had to take some time off. extremely happy to say i’m Months clean now off any substance now and I feel great for the most part.

But as part of my recovery. There are some side effects I’m currently dealing with. Such as slight episodes of paranoia. So I’m going to continue write my thoughts down and make it public. Hopefully you all take this as a learning experience and never try it in the first place. This may be factual. I’m just writing things down to clear my head.

Hows everyone doing?

Sorry for the delay. I’ve been super busy with work and stuff.

Today’s journal is going to be a little more positive. I guess I’m in a pretty good mood. So bare with me and my happy ass:). Works great, life is good and I have a very supportive family.

I had a very interesting meeting with my Councillor last week. We talked about some issues that was bothering me and I figured it out that what actually happened on that drunken night.

We also figured out that I attract the wrong type of people in my life. Most people I encounter are very toxic and not good for myself worth. Its because I need to improve my self confidence and realize that I’m worth more then how I see myself. I’m excited about this new chapter in my life and to improve overall.

I’ve also been interested in someone I use to date a long time ago. Shes kind of going through the same things I am. I normally don’t give second chances. But We get along very well and it will be more interesting to see how we are without substances. 🙂

My apologies for my not so daily posts. Life been a little crazy(in a good way for once).

I’m kind of proud of myself this past long weekend. It was super busy at work (we were at capacity) and I didn’t even have a panic attack at all the whole weekend. which I need to pat myself on the back for that one. Normally my anxiety attacks would get so bad I would have to go home “sick”.

I’m sure your asking how i accomplished such greatness in a few months. Well, the truth is I’m an from a different planet and my tin foil hat cures all! just joking! haha

I finally checked into st. lenords (mental health services) and signed up for some counseling/groups. So I have a normal councilor, art therapy and I also attend a few other groups they offer. So I suggest if you are having a hard time dealing with anything. Its always good to talk to someone and seek out the proper treatment you need. Its helped me be a functioning adult. I also take medication (ciperlex and adivan).

But just rember, The big guy in the sky (or what ever you believe in) put you on this earth for a reason and made you in his/her eye. If everyone was the same. life would be extremely boring.

my cravings for blow are pretty strong today. I realized that its been a year since my friend lia died from an feni overdose. It really hurts inside because a few weeks before she past away. She showed up at my high out of her mind and asking to come inside to my apartment.. I instead came down stairs and tried to talk to her.. Sadly, the drugs got a hold of her and she just stormed off when I asked if there was anything i can do to help her get sober.

It always bothered me to this day. What if I let her in and got her sober. she was such a sweet heart.

I know what your thinking. “Why the hell would you go do drugs when your friend died from an overdose?” Well, If It was a 8 months ago. I would of been high af and forgetting my problems.

I know deep down that dosn’t solve anything and my problems are still there when the high is over. So I’m writing in this blog, having a coffee and playing video games instead. I also have a meeting with my counselor,groups and meetings in this week. So George will be keeping busy and staying out of trouble :).

Anyhow, I’ll go back to playing video games and ill post more i promise. stay safe all/.

I had a really very productive day until 11 pm ( I’ll get to that later ;)). I had a great nights sleep and woke up at 9 am today. Went to the mall, Replaced the screen on my phone and hit the gym before work.

Side note- I’m not a morning person at all and never will be. I’m trying to switch my sleeping schedule around because As my mom says “nothing good happened after midnight” and I couldn’t agree more.

In the past 30 days. I’ve went over to visit a few friends for a drink and turned out into a 2-3 day bender (and god knows what else I did). Proceeded to get black out drunk to the point where I couldn’t r ember anything I did the previous night(s). As a result of my selfish actions. I went MIA for those nights and made my family worry about me. and to top it all off, Even a sip of booze makes the cravings for blow extremely bad.

A little background on my drug use: I was addicted to meth for 5-6 years. Quit that cold turkey and then recently I got really heavy into the blow. I also have almost everything under the sun.

Sometimes I’m not perfect. I have two weaknesses.. Attractive woman and blow. Mix them together and its a deadly combo which I have a hard time saying no to. So I revived a text from a attractive woman I have not heard from in about 6 months asking if I wanted to party..

I was proud of myself. Regardless if it triggered to use. I stated I had no interest in doing such activates and blocked the number. I’m still feeling a little craving. But it will pass with a good nights sleep.

Anywho, I’m going to pass out. I have a long day ahead of me.

Hope all is well!

Where should I start?

I’m currently a 33 year old male living in a small city. I have mental health issues (anxiety, dyslexia and depression). I also have a long history with drug use in the past to cope with my mental illness. So I figured Instead of going out and getting high. I would start a blog, share my experiences and maybe it could help someone can relate to what I’m going through.

Don’t mind my not so perfect spelling and grammar. I make up for my lack of spelling skills with my charm. I swear I’m charming in my own mind! hahaha

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton